It’s been a while since I last wrote. The cherry blossom season has ended, and we’ve entered the long holiday period known as Golden Week. Still, I chose a photo of cherry blossoms I took in April—they were genuinely beautiful. I didn’t write a single journal entry that month, which I regret. Since I haven’t written much recently, I decided to rethink why I keep this journal in the first place. Of course, one reason is to keep a record of my daily life. But more than that, my main goal is to organize my thoughts so that I can communicate them clearly in conversations. When I talk with people, I want to hear interesting perspectives, and I also want to be able to offer them. Having ideas already structured in my mind makes it easier to talk about them in a way that’s engaging. By “interesting,” I don’t mean something that simply makes people laugh, but rather something that makes them think, “That’s an interesting way to see it.” That’s why I try to capture and organize thoughts from my daily life in this journal—so I can eventually express them better in conversation. Entries like “A Change in How I Listen” and “The Way I Respond” are good examples of this, and I still like them quite a bit. It may be a stretch, but in some ways it feels similar to how entertainers prepare their anecdotal stories in advance. Since I don’t naturally have the habit of reflecting, I want to build it deliberately. That said, if I focus too much on that purpose, it becomes harder to write and I end up writing less. I also want this journal to serve as a simple record of daily life, so I try to keep it casual. Still, I’d like to increase how often I write going forward.

I finally broke 60 kg. I’ve always been skinny and had a hard time gaining weight, staying around 55 kg for a long time. But thanks to going to the gym and improving my diet, I’ve started to see results and finally passed 60 kg. My ultimate goal is to reach the high 60s, but hitting 60 kg was a milestone for me, so I’m honestly really happy about it. I’ve learned that the key to gaining weight is simply eating more, so my next goal is to gain another 5 kg in the next two months. It’s a pretty tough target, but I’m going to push myself and eat as much as I can to make it happen. I’m aiming for 3,000 calories a day. For breakfast, I usually have rice with natto and eggs. For snacks, I take a weight gainer protein shake, or Greek yogurt with blueberries. Other than that, I just try to eat as much rice as possible. I’m turning 25 this year, and one of my goals is to fully commit to things instead of leaving them halfway. I’m not there yet, but getting past the 60 kg mark—which had been a long-standing challenge for me—feels like a big step forward. My goal is to reach the high 60s within the next two months.

Maybe it’s about time I start doing what I actually want to do. Until now, on weekends I kept thinking things like, “Maybe I should do something that connects to work,” or “If I have time to play games, there must be a more productive way to spend it.” But that’s not it. I need to spend more time on the things I actually like. I want to travel abroad. I want to join a tennis school. I want to make friends through hobbies I’ve never tried before. I want to play games. I want to build muscle and gain confidence. I want to become fluent in English. I want to do a workation somewhere in the countryside. I want to go to Uzbekistan. It might sound like some kind of reverse “high-motivation” mindset or whatever, but I have to be the main character in my own life. It’s not about trying weirdly hard. It would just be a waste if I didn’t do the things I actually want to do. Being scared to go after what I want doesn’t feel like me. I’ll meet more people, reconnect with old friends, and keep expanding my circle.

I went to a live concert by Vaundy. It was my first time going to this kind of large-scale concert held in a venue with tens of thousands of people. The lighting and stage production were just insanely cool. My energy went through the roof. The song that got me the most hyped was “Yobigoe.” Vaundy is only 25, but he gathers tens of thousands of people and has this much influence. That’s incredible. He’s so cool that it even makes me feel a bit jealous. That confidence — the way he stands there like he’s the main character — is cool. I want to imitate that. Not just in friendships either. I want more of that attitude like, “What I’m saying is right, right?” Like, I’m the main character here, so my opinion must be right. Alright then. Guess I’ll just start doing whatever I want!!!

Today I went outside for the first time in a while, took a walk, watched a local baseball game, and just sat there spacing out. While doing that, I found myself thinking about what it really means to be a “good person” or a “kind person.” It’s easy to describe someone with abstract words like good or kind. But if you truly want to convey what you feel about someone, it’s better if you can explain it more concretely. For me, a good or kind person is someone who tries to understand how others feel and has consideration for them. Someone who thinks, “This might hurt the other person, so I shouldn’t do it,” or “This must have been difficult for them to do for me, so I should properly express my gratitude.” I feel that people who try to understand the feelings of others are good and kind. When you are with someone who has that kind of attitude, if you care about them, they will also care about you in return. That mutual consideration gradually builds trust between both people. Whether it’s a friend, a best friend, a girlfriend, or a spouse, when someone tries to understand my feelings and cares about others, it naturally makes me want to do things for them too. That cycle creates a comfortable relationship. As long as I can see that the person genuinely cares about others, it’s okay if their actions sometimes miss the mark a little, or even if their behavior doesn’t always match their intentions. It’s difficult to consistently prove your feelings through actions all the time. Sometimes people are simply not in the right condition to do so. If you can tell from the overall relationship that the person has that caring attitude, your tolerance becomes much wider. And when my own condition isn’t good, I can rely on them as well. That too can become part of a positive cycle. For me, a good or kind person is someone who tries to understand the feelings of others and has a caring heart.