The day before yesterday, my alma mater came to interview me about my work and my company's work style. A reporter, a photographer, a producer, and another staff member traveled all the way from the Kansai region to Tokyo for a one-day trip to interview me, take photos, and write an article that will be published later. Knowing that several people had traveled such a long way just for this interview made me feel a slight sense of pressure. I kept thinking that I wanted to make their trip worthwhile by giving them something meaningful to write about. At the same time, I was genuinely looking forward to the interview. They had told me in advance that they wanted to hear everything from my childhood onward, so I thought it would be a great opportunity for self-reflection. I was excited by the possibility that, through their questions, I might discover something about myself that I had never noticed before. The interview lasted about an hour and a half. I realized that I probably hadn't talked about myself this much since my job-hunting days, and I really enjoyed the experience. I'm usually the kind of person who listens rather than talks. Because of that, I expected that ninety minutes would be enough time to tell many stories about myself. Surprisingly, though, I came away feeling as if I hadn't actually said that much. Then I realized that expecting to summarize an entire life in just ninety minutes is unrealistic. Looking back, it's impressive that we managed to cover as much as we did, and I think that says a lot about how skillfully the interviewer guided the conversation. Still, there was one thing that left me wanting a little more. When I listen to other people, I think of conversations as having different layers. Every follow-up question takes the conversation one layer deeper. The first layer is about "what" happened. The second layer is about "why" it happened. Go even deeper, and you start to uncover the values, motivations, and beliefs behind those reasons. During this interview, however, most of our conversation stayed at what I would call the first layer, or sometimes even the surface. We talked about what I had done, but we rarely had enough time to go into why I had made those choices or what had driven me. That's completely understandable given the limited time, but I found myself wanting to explore those deeper layers. For me, that's where conversations become truly interesting. I wasn't only hoping to tell my story—I was hoping that talking through those deeper "why" questions would help me discover parts of myself that I hadn't recognized before. Those are the moments when I learn something new about myself. That realization also led me to another thought. Why was I relying on this interview to better understand myself? If I really want to know who I am, I shouldn't wait for someone else to ask me the right questions. I should spend more time asking those questions myself and reflecting on my own life. Reading this back, the second half sounds a little more negative than I actually feel. Overall, though, the experience was overwhelmingly positive. I'm grateful that my university chose to feature me, and I genuinely enjoyed the interview. More than anything, I was reminded that there's still plenty left to uncover about myself.

It’s been a while since I’ve had such an intense and packed week. Going to my first real mixer (goukon), watching a soccer match live for the first time, and enjoying a bonfire—the week was full of firsts, and I had a blast. I definitely want to keep stepping out of my comfort zone and accumulating these kinds of unchartered experiences. At the same time, I haven’t been able to dedicate much time lately to my app development side projects or studying. I consider myself a pretty driven person, but it feels like I haven’t been properly facing that side of myself recently. These days, my spare time is consumed by eating constantly for my bulking and fitness goals. After work, I’m either out drinking or at tennis school, and on weekends, I’m always hanging out with someone or shopping. I used to find it a hassle to even step outside after work or on weekends, preferring to just stay home, so my lifestyle has completely flipped. Originally, I wanted to go out more because I wanted to change my overly introspective nature. But now, I’m spending too much time outside, which leaves me no room for new, reflective challenges—like building a new income stream or reading books. I think this is my next hurdle. Since turning 26, the anxiety of growing older like this has been getting stronger day by day. Both lifestyles are important, so I want to find a good balance between them. Or rather, I really need to figure out how to manage my time better.

It’s been a while since I last wrote. The cherry blossom season has ended, and we’ve entered the long holiday period known as Golden Week. Still, I chose a photo of cherry blossoms I took in April—they were genuinely beautiful. I didn’t write a single journal entry that month, which I regret. Since I haven’t written much recently, I decided to rethink why I keep this journal in the first place. Of course, one reason is to keep a record of my daily life. But more than that, my main goal is to organize my thoughts so that I can communicate them clearly in conversations. When I talk with people, I want to hear interesting perspectives, and I also want to be able to offer them. Having ideas already structured in my mind makes it easier to talk about them in a way that’s engaging. By “interesting,” I don’t mean something that simply makes people laugh, but rather something that makes them think, “That’s an interesting way to see it.” That’s why I try to capture and organize thoughts from my daily life in this journal—so I can eventually express them better in conversation. Entries like “A Change in How I Listen” and “The Way I Respond” are good examples of this, and I still like them quite a bit. It may be a stretch, but in some ways it feels similar to how entertainers prepare their anecdotal stories in advance. Since I don’t naturally have the habit of reflecting, I want to build it deliberately. That said, if I focus too much on that purpose, it becomes harder to write and I end up writing less. I also want this journal to serve as a simple record of daily life, so I try to keep it casual. Still, I’d like to increase how often I write going forward.

I finally broke 60 kg. I’ve always been skinny and had a hard time gaining weight, staying around 55 kg for a long time. But thanks to going to the gym and improving my diet, I’ve started to see results and finally passed 60 kg. My ultimate goal is to reach the high 60s, but hitting 60 kg was a milestone for me, so I’m honestly really happy about it. I’ve learned that the key to gaining weight is simply eating more, so my next goal is to gain another 5 kg in the next two months. It’s a pretty tough target, but I’m going to push myself and eat as much as I can to make it happen. I’m aiming for 3,000 calories a day. For breakfast, I usually have rice with natto and eggs. For snacks, I take a weight gainer protein shake, or Greek yogurt with blueberries. Other than that, I just try to eat as much rice as possible. I’m turning 25 this year, and one of my goals is to fully commit to things instead of leaving them halfway. I’m not there yet, but getting past the 60 kg mark—which had been a long-standing challenge for me—feels like a big step forward. My goal is to reach the high 60s within the next two months.

Maybe it’s about time I start doing what I actually want to do. Until now, on weekends I kept thinking things like, “Maybe I should do something that connects to work,” or “If I have time to play games, there must be a more productive way to spend it.” But that’s not it. I need to spend more time on the things I actually like. I want to travel abroad. I want to join a tennis school. I want to make friends through hobbies I’ve never tried before. I want to play games. I want to build muscle and gain confidence. I want to become fluent in English. I want to do a workation somewhere in the countryside. I want to go to Uzbekistan. It might sound like some kind of reverse “high-motivation” mindset or whatever, but I have to be the main character in my own life. It’s not about trying weirdly hard. It would just be a waste if I didn’t do the things I actually want to do. Being scared to go after what I want doesn’t feel like me. I’ll meet more people, reconnect with old friends, and keep expanding my circle.