It’s been a while since I’ve had such an intense and packed week. Going to my first real mixer (goukon), watching a soccer match live for the first time, and enjoying a bonfire—the week was full of firsts, and I had a blast. I definitely want to keep stepping out of my comfort zone and accumulating these kinds of unchartered experiences. At the same time, I haven’t been able to dedicate much time lately to my app development side projects or studying. I consider myself a pretty driven person, but it feels like I haven’t been properly facing that side of myself recently. These days, my spare time is consumed by eating constantly for my bulking and fitness goals. After work, I’m either out drinking or at tennis school, and on weekends, I’m always hanging out with someone or shopping. I used to find it a hassle to even step outside after work or on weekends, preferring to just stay home, so my lifestyle has completely flipped. Originally, I wanted to go out more because I wanted to change my overly introspective nature. But now, I’m spending too much time outside, which leaves me no room for new, reflective challenges—like building a new income stream or reading books. I think this is my next hurdle. Since turning 26, the anxiety of growing older like this has been getting stronger day by day. Both lifestyles are important, so I want to find a good balance between them. Or rather, I really need to figure out how to manage my time better.

It’s been a while since I last wrote. The cherry blossom season has ended, and we’ve entered the long holiday period known as Golden Week. Still, I chose a photo of cherry blossoms I took in April—they were genuinely beautiful. I didn’t write a single journal entry that month, which I regret. Since I haven’t written much recently, I decided to rethink why I keep this journal in the first place. Of course, one reason is to keep a record of my daily life. But more than that, my main goal is to organize my thoughts so that I can communicate them clearly in conversations. When I talk with people, I want to hear interesting perspectives, and I also want to be able to offer them. Having ideas already structured in my mind makes it easier to talk about them in a way that’s engaging. By “interesting,” I don’t mean something that simply makes people laugh, but rather something that makes them think, “That’s an interesting way to see it.” That’s why I try to capture and organize thoughts from my daily life in this journal—so I can eventually express them better in conversation. Entries like “A Change in How I Listen” and “The Way I Respond” are good examples of this, and I still like them quite a bit. It may be a stretch, but in some ways it feels similar to how entertainers prepare their anecdotal stories in advance. Since I don’t naturally have the habit of reflecting, I want to build it deliberately. That said, if I focus too much on that purpose, it becomes harder to write and I end up writing less. I also want this journal to serve as a simple record of daily life, so I try to keep it casual. Still, I’d like to increase how often I write going forward.

I finally broke 60 kg. I’ve always been skinny and had a hard time gaining weight, staying around 55 kg for a long time. But thanks to going to the gym and improving my diet, I’ve started to see results and finally passed 60 kg. My ultimate goal is to reach the high 60s, but hitting 60 kg was a milestone for me, so I’m honestly really happy about it. I’ve learned that the key to gaining weight is simply eating more, so my next goal is to gain another 5 kg in the next two months. It’s a pretty tough target, but I’m going to push myself and eat as much as I can to make it happen. I’m aiming for 3,000 calories a day. For breakfast, I usually have rice with natto and eggs. For snacks, I take a weight gainer protein shake, or Greek yogurt with blueberries. Other than that, I just try to eat as much rice as possible. I’m turning 25 this year, and one of my goals is to fully commit to things instead of leaving them halfway. I’m not there yet, but getting past the 60 kg mark—which had been a long-standing challenge for me—feels like a big step forward. My goal is to reach the high 60s within the next two months.

Maybe it’s about time I start doing what I actually want to do. Until now, on weekends I kept thinking things like, “Maybe I should do something that connects to work,” or “If I have time to play games, there must be a more productive way to spend it.” But that’s not it. I need to spend more time on the things I actually like. I want to travel abroad. I want to join a tennis school. I want to make friends through hobbies I’ve never tried before. I want to play games. I want to build muscle and gain confidence. I want to become fluent in English. I want to do a workation somewhere in the countryside. I want to go to Uzbekistan. It might sound like some kind of reverse “high-motivation” mindset or whatever, but I have to be the main character in my own life. It’s not about trying weirdly hard. It would just be a waste if I didn’t do the things I actually want to do. Being scared to go after what I want doesn’t feel like me. I’ll meet more people, reconnect with old friends, and keep expanding my circle.

I went to a live concert by Vaundy. It was my first time going to this kind of large-scale concert held in a venue with tens of thousands of people. The lighting and stage production were just insanely cool. My energy went through the roof. The song that got me the most hyped was “Yobigoe.” Vaundy is only 25, but he gathers tens of thousands of people and has this much influence. That’s incredible. He’s so cool that it even makes me feel a bit jealous. That confidence — the way he stands there like he’s the main character — is cool. I want to imitate that. Not just in friendships either. I want more of that attitude like, “What I’m saying is right, right?” Like, I’m the main character here, so my opinion must be right. Alright then. Guess I’ll just start doing whatever I want!!!